Thursday, July 5, 2007

Dieting Together as a Couple

I started my diet alone. After about a month and a half, my wife joined me. We both had about the same amount of weight to lose. Often, it seems a blessing that the two of us are on the journey together. But sometimes it almost makes it harder. When she doesn't cheat, I think she does so out of fear of letting me down. I'm not sure that this is necessarily a good thing. Every now and then she wants to take unscheduled "cheat" days. This would be okay with me except that she feels too guilty doing it alone. In her mind, she can't take a day off unless I also take the day off. As a result, it sometimes feels like she is begging me to cheat rather than being supportive.

Of course, there is always a good reason for taking a day off. There's numerous holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions. You'd be amazed at how many excuses you can come up with when you want to do something decedent. We are going on a beach vacation in the latter half of July and have mutually agreed to take the entire 9 days away from our diet. I am okay with this. It was part of our original diet plan that vacations would be high carb days.

But now, Brandi is wanting me to take off for our anniversary this Friday. This would mean having a high carb day smack in the middle of our low carb portion of the cycle. This would basically render my 2 weeks useless. I'd be lucky if I lost a single pound due to the timing of the high carb day. And because of our vacation coming up, it would mean basically that July would be a wash with no significant weight loss. I really want to at least get my first 14 day cycle in for July! I am close to my goal of losing 100 pounds and would love to do so by by mid August as it would mean I had done so in less than one year.

Last night, we were arguing about whether or not to forgo the diet on our anniversary. I told her that she was welcome to do so alone. I figured that no matter where we go for dinner, I can find something on the menu that would be low-carb. I have even done so at the Olive Garden which serves mostly pasta. To her, the restrictions would ruin the evening. And, if she ate high carb foods alone, take dessert for instance, she'd feel guilty and like she was letting me down. I had accused her of not being supportive. She responded that she'd been more than supportive and would have been perfectly content staying fat and happy. Thus implying that she is not happy while on the diet even though she has lost 70 pounds.

To be honest, I'd love her either fat or skinny. However, I do want for both of us to be healthy. My primary motivation for doing this diet in the first place was so that I would live long enough to see our son grow up and to spend my retirement years by my wife's side. When I was 85 pounds heavier, I felt as if I might not live a long happy life. I worried that I'd not be able to go hiking with my son when he is old enough for scouts. And yes, I know that our anniversary only happens once a year. But there are so many special occasions and I am so close to my goal. Right now, I plan to stick to my guns and not give in on our anniversary. Who knows. I might change my mind and share some dessert... It feels unfair to have to choose between being healthy and enjoying our anniversary together. Argh!


Low Carb Band-It said...

Boy oh boy is that a tough one. But I think you're right, that she can go "off" the plan if she wants to and you can find low-carb offerings at the restaurant. Utimately, she's responsible for her own feelings about this. You're being honest with her, telling her how important it is for some loss during this time and she'll have to decide for herself, what she wants to do.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only "go off on vacation" person. Ya know, I figure this. People with no weight problems eat whatever they want on vacation and darn it, I'm going to do that as well. Sure they may put on a few pounds, but when they come back, they go right back to eating how they normally eat and they lose it. (I also eat movie theatre popcorn about 1-2x a month - I'm not carb cycling, but it's my "treat" to myself for being ON the rest of the time).

We go to Disney 1-2x a year for 10 days at a time and they have some of the BEST restaurants, stuff I can't find around my small mid-western town and I want to experience some fine dining (ie: culture) every once in a while! LOL So I eat til satisfied. Sometimes I even just take a bite of dessert, but I don't feel guilt. It is after all, just food.

Hope you get things resolved. Can't wait to try the Fried Green Tomatoes btw!!

Amy said...

Think about a compromise. You could have a romantic dinner another night that serves you both better. Who says you have to celebrate your anniversary on a specific date!? Being a woman, I understand your wife not wanting to cheat without you. I am the only one low carbing in my household and I feel like the whole family is watching if I take a bite of potatoes! Such guilt! Anyway, your diet isn't reason to get angry with each other. Maybe have a nice low carb dinner and a few bites of decadent dessert?
I enjoy reading your blog.

Coleen said...

Hey, at Olive Garden, they have a wonderful broiled Salmon dinner with broccoli. As long as you stick with salad and skip the bread, and maybe give in and share a dessert with your bride and just have a mini-cheat, you should be good.....coleen in pa

Sherrie said...

Another idea would be if you do change your mind during the anniversary is to skip the following carb up? Then start up again with the carb ups when the next one comes around. This will give you 3 weeks of LC to make up for it.

Big Daddy D said...

Sherrie, I wish I had read your comments earlier! What a great idea. I need to alter my cycle anyway because of a vacation coming up in 2 weeks. I can't believe that I hadn't thought of this solution.